Therapists say it can work

• Billie Eilish’s 21-year-old girlfriend Jesse Rutherford is 10 years older than her.
• Their relationship gained some criticism online due to their age gap.
• Relationship therapists say that even a 10-year age gap can work if you feel connected to your partner and grounded in life.

Billie Eilish’s brother Finneas has defended her relationship with her boyfriend after a TikTok user commented on the couple’s 10-year age difference.

“Your sister is dating a 31-year-old guy and your music sucks,” one TikTok user wrote. People mentioned. In response, Phineas said, “I want my sister to be happy and safe at 21 years old and fully entitled to make her own life decisions.”

Eilish announced her relationship with fellow musician Jesse Rutherford in October, with an Instagram post that looked like Joke about the 10 year age difference. Eilish was dressed as a child, and Rutherford, the 31-year-old singer of The Neighborhood, was dressed as an old man. Neither Eilish or Rutherford directly responded to the comments about their age gap.

Although the age difference between partners seems alarming to some, relationship experts say that An age gap is not a sure sign that a relationship is doomed. Other factors — a person’s life stage, the values ​​and interests they share with their partner, and the ways they communicate — also influence a couple’s relationship dynamic and long-term compatibility, Sarah Tick, therapist and founder of Dating Coaching Service for Men Talk meetinghe said from the inside.

The feeling of connection with the partner, regardless of the age difference

If someone enters into a relationship with intent, the age gap may be irrelevant. But before they invest, they need to be sure their compatibility is more than chemistry, therapist Tammy Nelson told Insider.

“Think about why you’re interested in someone so far outside your age group, before you get too invested in the relationship,” Nelson said. “It doesn’t always work out and there are reasons why.”

She said that a person’s personality, interests, maturity level, and circumstances can make them a good fit for another person regardless of age. But the The age gap can also reveal differences Humor, lifestyle choices, and hobbies, which can ultimately alienate partners, Nelson said.

An age gap is only an issue when it affects someone The ability to understand the senior or junior partnertherapist Rachael Wright for Insider.

“The only ‘too big’ age gap is one where you, as the person going into the relationship, don’t feel connected to or unable to relate to the person you’re with. That’s it. It’s not anyone else’s decision,” Wright said.

Differences in life stages or lifestyles may lead to problems in the relationship

According to Tick, partners who are at different stages in life are more likely to have compatibility issues than partners who have an age gap but similar life stages.

She said that people in their early 20s are usually still in school, learning who they are, and not yet established in their careers. This can be a problem for a 30-year-old with a clear set of values, life goals, and financial independence. Teck explained that the same age gap can be fine for a 40-year-old and a 50-year-old dating.

“It’s not necessarily what the age gap is, but what stage of life you’re in. Depending on what experiences you’ve had, that will really be the defining factor for a long-term relationship,” Teck told Insider.

Tick ​​said knowing whether a partner prefers staying home or partying with friends is another important consideration. She said age doesn’t always indicate lifestyle, but it can be.

She said it can be a bit different for celebrities like Eilish who have many life experiences at a young age and are likely to mature faster. Teck also said that someone in Eilish’s situation, where she was a fan of her boyfriend’s band as a teen before dating him as an adult, might want to consider how they view their partner.

“Hopefully as time goes by, after getting to know someone, the power dynamic changes a little bit and they become more of an equal. But at first, I think it can definitely cloud someone’s judgment to be with someone they had a crush on or admired, or considered to it,” said Tick.